Image of paintng ‘Glow of Hope by S.L. Haldankar
Subhadra Kumari Chauhan
(Translated from Hindi by Malashri Lal)
W
hen barrister saab Radharaman was returning home from his wedding, there was a disastrous train accident. Members of the wedding party were severely injured. Two died on the spot—sadly, Radharaman himself, and a young law student. Just before Radharaman passed out, he looked intently at his friend Jaikrishan sitting close by, and urged, “I am leaving Kalyani in your care. If she wishes to marry again, please arrange for it. Please protect her from any kind of hurt.” He could speak no more.
Along with all the injured people, Jaikrishan brought the newly wed, and now widowed Kalyani to his own home. Just a few days earlier, people had been envious of her good luck and today all were talking of her ill fortune. Not only did people avoid her but married women tried to stay out of even her shadow. They would think, “She had none to call her own family. Now the wedding bangles had barely touched her wrists when widowhood grabbed her by the hair. How else could one explain that on one day, that one train met with such an accident!” Old and young women gossiped that whatever place this ill fated woman went to, the light would go out of that home.
Such chatter soon reached Jaikrishan’s wife. As everyone knows, a Hindu woman will do anything for her husband and son; she would happily sacrifice her body and soul. And if she feared trouble from any action, she would never launch upon it. What could she do now? She felt sorry about Kalyani’s misfortune but if Jaikrishan had a headache or baby Upama became listless, she would imagine that Kalyani’s bad luck was swallowing up her family.
But Upama was very fond of this young aunt. After Kalyani’s arrival in the home, Upama would always want to play near her, she would insist on being bathed by her and fed milk by her. At night Malti could bring her daughter away from Kalyani only after the child fell asleep.
Malti didn’t like any of this; she didn’t want her child so attached to another person. She tried to gently urge her husband to send Kalyani away somewhere. After all, what may people be saying about a young widow being kept for six months in this home. Jaikrishan would shrug off these comments and tell her not to worry. A widow could be young or old, doesn’t matter…if any reputation was at stake, it was his, not hers. What Malti feared most she could not utter. How could she express her belief in the tales of the old women! Day and night she was worried that ill luck was engulfing her husband and child.
Seven months went by but Jaikrishan could not decide what to do with Kalyani. One day he came home early from office since a holiday had been declared to mourn the death of a famous person. There was no one downstairs. Upama’s voice could be head from above. Thinking that the family might be there, he started climbing the stairs. Suddenly he saw Kalyani with her hair spread open to dry in the sun. Gorgeous, dark, long tresses framed her bright moon-like face. Her luminous large eyes were mesmerizing. Jaikrishan had never beheld such exquisite beauty. It was as though her burgeoning youthfulness was pouring out of every cell. He took in the sight with spontaneous joy. Just then Kalyani’s eyes fell upon him and she hastily covered her head and turned crimson with shyness. Her beauty seemed further enhanced.
Jaikrishan’s restless heart could not be disciplined and he climbed the rest of the stairs and settled into a chair. “I have something important to discuss with you, Kalyani,” he muttered. She was pale with embarrassment. She didn’t want him to say anything in Malti’s absence. Whatever be the reason for the conversation, she knew that Malti would become suspicious. She held her breath, and Jaikrishan said in almost a hoarse whisper, “Kalyani, at the time of his death, Radharaman left you in my care. It is my duty to make you happy but you must decide the path to that happiness.”
Kalyani looked at Jaikrishan but could not read his strange expression. There was something discomfiting about this electric charge carousing through her body. She had never known such feelings. Gently she said, “Please do whatever you think best. I know nothing. It would have been better to discuss this matter in front of Malti didi. She is visiting Susheela ji.”
“All right, I will speak again after she gets in,” said Jaikrishan as he left the premises.
Would Malti learn of this exchange? Would Kalyani tell her? If Upama were to spill the beans and say father was visiting the young aunt upstairs, a storm would be let loose. Kalyani started distracting the child with stories. If Kalyani ever became the cause of trouble in the family she would rather be swallowed up by the earth. She never wished to stand in the way of their happiness. That is why she preferred to stay in the background and remain out of sight. A cursed woman she was. God had blessed her with incomparable beauty and inconsolable bad luck.
In Susheela’s home, Malti heard many tales. Susheela’s mother-in-law clearly warned her, “You may enjoy the companionship of a young woman now but she is ill fated. Her presence will destroy your home. Get rid of her!”
Malti returned home determined to tell Jaikrishan to get Kalyani out of the home. It had been too long already. Enough…. She found Jaikrishan lying in bed, reading the newspaper. Upama was asleep. She rang the bell. When Kalyani came downstairs, she was asked to bring some tea. I will tell him after tea, she thought, but could not wait. As she entered the office room, Jaikrishan put the newspaper down. He respected his wife deeply. Malti sat close to him and said, “I have just come from Susheela’s place. Everyone is perturbed that we have kept Kalyani for so long in our household. They all say she should be sent away.” Jaikrishan frowned and said brusquely, “All right then, throw her out!” He turned away, and Malti quietly left the room brooding on the likelihood of getting stuck with Kalyani as a life long responsibility.
Kalyani set the tea tray on the table and withdrew to her quarters. Jaikrishan sipping the tea said to Malti, “When God has given that woman so much sorrow, must we add to her troubles? My dying friend Radharaman entrusted me with her well being. Let some more time go by. In a year she will do as she pleases. She can study if she likes. She could even marry again. But she cannot harm me or our child. Don’t worry about the superstitious people. If you try to please everybody, you will please no one!”
Malti replied, “I am not insisting that that you push her out immediately. But in fifteen days I have to visit my parental home. My nephew is getting married. How can Kalyani stay here alone?”
Jaikrishan said, “Why would she stay here alone? Take her with you!”
Malti argued, “ How can I take her along? Her shadow should not fall on the bride. People keep young brides away even from elderly widows! Moreover, my family doesn’t know her. How can I make her a guest in such a home? They wouldn’t like it.”
Jaikrishan spoke irritably, “Then she will have to remain here. Tell Budhia’s ma to stay here during the days and pay her extra.”
Never wanting to do this, Malti had to leave her home one day with Kalyani left behind. She explained to Budhia’s ma that only she must serve Jaikrishan babuji his meals. She told Kalyani firmly that she must maintain her usual purdah separation from “Babuji”.
Thereafter, things changed quickly. Jaikrishan would now leave late for office and return home early. Sometimes he would skip office altogether. Kalyani noticed this. Budhia’s ma who was the housekeeper could not understand what was going on. The first day she served lunch to Babuji, he sounded angry. She receded in confusion and told Kalyani, “ Bahu, please serve his meals. I can’t handle his temper.”
So Kalyani was compelled to watch over his meals. That’s exactly what Jaikrishan wanted. Eating calmly one day, he said, “Kalyani, what have you decided about your future? Will you tell me please?”
Kalyani said shyly, “Am I capable of taking decisions? I have no experience of the world. In the village I lived with a widowed aunt. One day I heard that my marriage had been arranged. I didn’t know who it was. Then the wedding party showed up. You know the rest. Since then you have been my guardian. Except you and this home, I have no one, nothing. My widowed aunt has died, I am told. What decisions can I take? You tell me!”
Jaikrishan said, “Your marriage was hardly significant. You probably didn’t even see the face of your husband. Would you consider a second marriage?”
“Another marriage? If I were fated to enjoy a wedded life, my husband would not have died in that fatal accident,” she sighed.
“You are wrong Kalyani. It was destined that way. You are not to blame. I believe that the God who has given you so much beauty will also grant you happiness. But you have to build that path. If you like, I can send you to be educated.”
Kalyani laughed with amusement, “Now I am getting almost old. How can I attend school with little girls? And I doubt that I can study. Women are born foolish!”
It wasn’t mere laughter, it was like the glitter of lightening. He had never heard Kalyani in mirth. He trembled from top to toe but with great self restraint he remarked, “If one tries, a lot can be achieved, Kalyani. But think it out carefully and let me know your decision in the evening.”
After dinner that evening, Kalyani and Jaikrishan talked late into the night. Old Budhia on guarding duty was asleep and snoring.
Kalyani was musing, “I couldn’t learn to love my husband because there were just two days between our formal meeting and our separation. He had taken pity upon me and had agreed to the marriage, so I held him in great respect. I still hold that respect. But I glimpsed infinite love for the first time when you quietly climbed the stairs that day. Believe me, I have the greatest regard for you, but I also care for you. Even then it is unthinkable that I should marry you.”
“Why Kalyani? Why are you so opposed to the idea?” Jaikrishan asked in a husky voice and reached out for Kalyani’s hand.
Kalyani freed her palm from his grip and looked at him suspiciously. Jaikrishan understood his mistake. Touching his ears in a gesture of repentance he said, “Forgive me. I will never impose again.” Hesitatingly he continued, “Kalyani, please don’t be afraid of me. I will never do anything against your will. But tell me—please– if you are willing to consider a remarriage, and you love me– then why can you not marry me?”
“No. It’s impossible—because… because you are already married.” Kalyani said with conviction.
Jaikrishan reasoned, “But according to the Hindu sacred texts a man can be wedded many times. So why can’t you grant me the good fortune that you are willing to bestow upon another man?”
“Oh please don’t say such things! You think I am ready to marry anyone? Never! The person I have loved once, I will die with that same passion. A Hindu woman knows how to love intensely without expecting reciprocation. It is sad that I will not be able to express the acme of my love for you. But that is one’s own destiny.” Saying so, Kalyani sighed deeply while gazing at Jaikrishan.
He chided, “Kalyani, will you think only of your emotions or will you take a look at my feelings too? I will go mad, I cannot live a moment without you. But you must stay assured that I will not touch you without your consent. Even in the middle of a dark night you will be as safe with me as with your own brother. I am not vile. I love you, I want you, but I would tread the path of goodness and not evil.”
Kalyani said that she was too bewildered to think about her own feelings or his. “The truth is that I cannot destroy Malti didi’s marital bliss. She gave me shelter in my desolate days. Whatever good I can deliver, I shall. I will never say anything against her. I would sacrifice myself for her happiness if I must, but I won’t be a thorn in her life.”
“In the process, you will fill my path with thorns,” said Jaikrishan looking at Kalyani longingly.
“These are mental distresses,” said Kalyani, “and will disappear over time.” She continued, “Do you think that I am not troubled? Though only a woman, I am ready to bear the pain. You are a man; you are made to fight obstacles. I have written to Malti didi. She will be coming back soon. Then I will take respectful leave of you. I have only one request—the dust of your feet. You are a God to me.”
Jaikrishan was highly agitated. “When did you write to Malti? What did you write? Why did you not ask me before writing to her?”
“I wrote simply that I was missing Upama very much and they should come home soon. What else could I have said? But it is not right that I should stay in this house alone with you. We have declared our love for each other. Who knows what may suddenly happen and I would not like our relationship to gather any kind of a blot.”
“You have done the right thing, Kalyani. Go to sleep. It’s very late.”
As Kalyani stood up, she bowed her head to touch his feet. Moving upstairs, she firmly closed her door. Jaikrishan tossed and turned all night and could not sleep a wink.
Next day, Malti returned by the train at mid day. Jaikrishan coming in from office saw Upama playing. He looked wan after his sleepless night. Malti asked with concern if he was keeping well. Was everything all right?
Jaikrishan claimed he had a headache.
With sudden apprehension Malti asked, “Kalyani is in the house, isn’t she? You don’t think about anyone but your own self! I have told you so often to get rid of that girl, but you don’t listen. All this headache-business gets me nervous. She brings bad luck—everyone says so.”
Jaikrishan was beset with his own fears. Who knows whether Kalyani was around or not. She had vowed she would leave when Malti returned. Had the moment of farewell arrived? His heart was thumping. Outwardly calm he said, “I have decided to send her to be educated in a girls’ school. She will agree to this proposal. Please call her.”
Malti found great solace in this statement. Kalyani should just leave. Who cared where she is headed! She rang the bell. But no one came from upstairs. She called Upama and sent her to fetch her aunt. Upama came down and declared, “Aunt isn’t there.”
In confusion, Malti searched all the rooms upstairs and downstairs but could not find Kalyani. Jaikrishan ran upstairs like a crazed man. On the bed was a casket of Kalyani’s jewels. Under it was a letter which read:
“I take your leave. Please forgive me for any trouble that I have caused by my presence in this household or by any of my actions. Please do not look for me; it would be futile. These jewels are for Upama.
Yours
Ill-fated Kalyani ”
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The translation was first published in the Journal of Literature Studies, January 2005.
Malashri Lal, Professor in the English Department (retd), University of Delhi, has authored and edited sixteen books including the most recent, co-authored with Namita Gokhale, Betrayed by Hope: A Play on the Life of Michael Madhusudan Dutt (2020). She continues to serve on juries for book awards. Malashri Lal is currently Member, English Advisory Board of the Sahitya Akademi. Her poems and stories have been published in Indian Literature, Confluence, UK, and in anthologies. Her specialization is in literature, women and gender studies.
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